What’s Wrong With Messi?

crack foxIt is a shame . I can name about 20 players from around the world who are as good as Iniesta, Xavi and 5 or 6 at the same level as protected boy Messi.”

Octavio Santos (Manchester United fan)

If he’d have started his next sentence with: because, you know, Nani’s been excellent this year, I think I’d have had a good crack at trying to stuff my entire head into a saucepan and boiling it like a cauliflower. Just to erase the image of that dreadful little twod ever coming close to winning the Ballon d’Or. If there are twenty players in the world as good as Xavi or Iniesta, then it’s the best kept secret since they found out what it was in Sunny Delight that made children go bat-shit crazy. Never see that stuff about much these days. Odd.

The madness doesn’t stop there, either. We’ve hit the January sales and seemingly anything goes. City have landed another striker in Edin Dzeko, for a bit of spare change found stuffed in the footwells of Yaya Toure’s Aston Martin. Just shy of thirty million to be exact. No big deal. I’m sure I won’t be the only one who’ll feel a little put out if Adebayor does eventually come to us, as a knock-on of the Bosnian’s arrival at Eastlands. In the manner of someone clearing out the tat in their wardrobes to make room for a new Armani suit. We’re a bit old for hand-me-downs, if you ask me.

The Beckham saga continues at an alarmingly dull rate. Will he? Won’t he?…He won’t…Or will he? ad nauseum. My view is that he’s trying to outdo David Bentley at every turn. You call that a cross? Pah! You call that metrosexual? Not buying it. You call that a protracted transfer? I spit on the very idea. It’s all just a ruse to establish exactly who’s DB 1.0 and who’s DB 2.0. So far it’s a tie.

While David tests out our rowing machines, then, we’re wondering where the new centre-forward is. Carroll’s not going anywhere it seems, neither, too, is that Suárez chap. The latter having the bloody cheek to be Champions League tied anyway. So who does that leave? I’m buggered if I know. Perhaps if our friend Octavio Santos could kindly let us know as to who these mystery five or six Messi equals are, we might get Mr. Levy on the case pronto. That’d be a start.

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