Uh-oh! We’ve Been Rumbled

Any hopes we had of tiptoeing under the radar were swiftly punted into the Thames on Wednesday evening after every man and his lame dog in the days following declared Tottenham of Hotspur as genuine title contenders™. Alan Hansen, David Platt, S’ralex- even our own Heemskerk Howitzer, Rafael Van der Vaart, has pitched his tent in the side of ‘why the heck not’. It’s all making me jolly uncomfortable, if truth be told. And the quicker we can start ballsing it up like the good old days, the quicker we can all get on with our own pathetic, horrible lives.

What do you mean, speak for yourself? Well I’ve never heard such…

In all seriousness, though, just what have we become? And more importantly, is that thing we’ve become something that’s got a title challenge in…er…it? I honestly couldn’t tell you. But one thing’s for certain: it’s going to be ripping good fun to find out. Why the heck not, indeed.

Before we get ahead of ourselves, of course- and, frankly, it’s hard not to with every fibre of my being screaming LOOK AT THE BLOODY TABLE! LOOK! LOOK AT IT!- we’ve the small matter of entertaining Wolverhampton Wanderers at the Lane tomorrow afternoon. Yes, dear reader, the weekend is upon us and it’s served up a cold, uninspiring puck of Mick McCarthy gristle. I will really despair if he manages to do a number on us. Rather encouragingly, though, unlike last season, our record against the bottom sides has been exemplary; having beaten all of the teams south of 13th(including Wolves) and plenty more besides. In fact, only Swansea, from 9th downward have managed to get change out of us this term. We’re flat-track-bullying our way through the dross at an alarmingly proficient rate. And for consistency’s sake, I’d imagine tomorrow would be no different.

Smithers. Release the hounds!

 **Note from the Ed. I’d like to think I’m an all-embracing sort and I know, for the most part, the regular readers of this cockamamie enterprise are, too. Thoroughly decent folk, I would say. Smart cookies, too. On the same hand, however, I’d also like to think that newcomers to the site- no matter how off party-line their views appear to be- could air such views in the comments box without being called a Gooner. To a point where they felt they couldn’t post on here without copping a load. Without wishing to come over all Paul McCartney- we’re all in this together, and, I’d imagine, all after the same thing. Success for Tottenham and playing with a bit of style along the way. But it’s no surprise that opinions on how we ought arrive there vary from person to person. In short, say what you want- and throw as much dung my way as you wish- but I won’t tolerate any posters getting flack for daring to have a view. Now let’s all forget this silliness and have a big group hug…Guys?**

I’m on Twitter like all the cool kids.

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34 Responses to Uh-oh! We’ve Been Rumbled

  1. avatar MeAgain says:

    Hear, hear I concur. You’ve been rumbled you closet gooner! COYS (please)!

  2. avatar Sam Walker says:

    Love this article! It sums up all my current emotions and exactly what it is like to be a Spurs fan.

    I’ve said before, that being a Spurs fan is like making love to Angelina Jolie on a bed full of broken glass… Incredible, but also incredibly painful! Now and again, you find an open spot on the bed that has no glass. Now those are good times. Not so dissimilar from being a Spurs fan right now.

    Actually, I’m hoping that most of the glass has been wiped off the bed… at least for a while.


  3. avatar Longwell says:

    If we get the job done tomorrow, I propose the lads have some t-shirts printed up that read WHY NOT US?

    My favorite baseball squadron did just that in 2004. Won the championship for the first time in 86 years, they did.

    Bonus points for using the same font as Super Mario’s WHY ALWAYS ME? t-shirt. Might wind him up.

  4. avatar seattlespursguy says:

    I’m a bit unsettled myself with all this steely resolve and brushing aside the dross nonsense as well. Long may it continue.

  5. avatar JimmyG2 says:

    After all Gooners are only Tottenham fans at heart
    who have been misled into supporting the wrong team.
    Compassion required fellow Yidsters.

    Steely resolve against Everton without our two accredited steely resolvers.

    Spurs 3-1 tomorrow.

  6. avatar Ruskin Road says:

    I will say that I’m glad you made mention of the fact that we don’t all share the same opinion. If this were a silly fanboy blog I would not waste my time checking it on a daily basis. Keep up the good work!

    A ‘Why Not Us’ t-shirt would be awesome btw.

  7. avatar onedavemackay says:

    As ever Foxy you make a good point. We are all struggling for oxygen at these heights but surely normal service will soon be resumed and we will return to the mediocrity of 6th place.

    It’s getting rather dull without something or someone to moan about

  8. avatar Gog says:


  9. avatar Longwell says:

    Impatient, sloppy, and naive performance from Spurs today. Case study in why they probably need another season or two before they can seriously push for winning the league.

    I’d still have the t-shirts made, mind.

  10. avatar onedavemackay says:

    How bad is a performance where you have 22 attempts on goal and restrict the opposition to 5?@Longwell

    • avatar Scanford says:

      When you have 22 attempts and score one. They have 5 attempts and score one.

    • avatar Longwell says:

      It’s true, when you have a bad day at the office at still come away with a point, well, it’s not exactly a disaster is it? I just felt that Spurs gave the ball away in silly circumstances an awful lot. Parker was his usual energetic self but his touch, never spectacular even on a good day, definitely showed signs of the layoff. Ditto Dawson. Kaboul seemed possessed by the spirit of Diddy Zokora. (Seriously, what the hell?) Walker and Bale ran down more blind alleys than a 70s cop film. Everyone seemed to be trying to take on a little too much rather than patiently recirculating the ball when there was nothing on for them. It happens. Hopefully they will learn from it.

      To your specific point, I would say that a great many of Tottenham’s 22 attempts were rash and ill-advised. The lads certainly seemed determined to break the record for number of balls alighting in Row Z. Usually it’s poor finishing that does the team in when we end up with a rueful result like this. Yesterday, I would put it down to poor shot selection as much as the finishing itself.

      That, and the increasingly grating inability of anyone in the side to provide consistently good delivery from the flanks and from set pieces. Rafa in particular seems to have seriously gone off the boil in this regard. Just as his passing game has been looking so very good, his shooting and dead ball abilities have gone into hibernation.

      Maybe there’s a law of thermodynamics that applies to the conservation of talent in footballers. There’s only so much skill in any man’s body. If he starts spraying the passes around like Hoddle in his prime, then the other facets of his game must suffer accordingly? I don’t know.

  11. avatar KayBee says:

    It may be petty and small minded of me (and it is), but watching the Arse game yesterday (and how well the Swans played) made me feel a lot better about Saturday’s result.

  12. avatar Aran says:

    I’m starting to like Arsenal this season. When we got spanked by Man City, Arsenal popped up with an even worse result against United to help me feel better. This time we’ve dropped two points at home to Wolves and Arsenal go and drop all three away to Swansea leaving us a nice ten point safety net should we have a nasty patch.

    To put that in context, we could lose three games on the bounce and have Arsenal win three and we’d still be in the top four.

    In fact, with 17 games to play, ten points is a fairly massive target for Arsenal. To put it into perspective, on current form (assuming the rest of the season both Spurs and Arsenal maintain roughly the same form as they have for the first 21 games), Spurs would finish on 83 points which, out of interest, would have won them the title last season (2.19 points per match) and Arsenal on 65 (1.71 points per match). So for Arsenal to catch Spurs would require a swing of 18 points in their favour or 0.5 points per match. I don’t have the figures to hand but I’d be surprised if that, should it happen, wouldn’t represent a freakish event in Premiership history.

    Furthermore, Arsenal’s form so far this season has not been all that terrible compared to last year when they averaged 1.79 points per match. Spurs, for comparison, averaged 1.63 points per match.

    As a little experiment, if we apply the form of last season, for both Arsenal and Spurs, to the final 17 matches of this season, where might they end up? Arsenal would win a further 30 points leaving them on 66 in total. Spurs would take 28, leaving them with a total of 74 points!

    What I’m saying here is that even if the first half of the season has been a fluke and both Spurs and Arsenal revert to last season’s form for the final 17 matches, Spurs would still finish 8 points clear of their rival. That should give you some idea of how big a mountain Arsenal have to climb if they want to catch Spurs and make the top four.

  13. avatar Longwell says:

    Originally Posted By- KayBee
    As if Walker would have shepherded that out of play like that if he’d got the last touch. Bonkers call.

    Jones stinks. I would put him in the bottom third of Select Group refs. Which is saying something, because the overall standard of officiating these days is pretty brutal.

    To save this from just being another piss and moan about the refs though, who do you all actually like to see taking charge of our matches (if anyone)?

    I think Andre Marriner usually does a very good job. Martin Atkinson is decent, as is Mark Clattenburg (THAT decision at Old Trafford notwithstanding). Webb gets a lot of grief, but I think he is no worse than average (though it would be nice if more of his below average decisions screwed someone other than Spurs). I’d take either Kevin Friend or Lee Probert to round out my top five.

    I haven’t seen much of the newer appointees Moss, Swarbrick, or Taylor and therefore don’t have much of an opinion on them. Michael Oliver seems pretty meh.

  14. avatar trembly says:

    just wanted to say that following both his pre and post match interviews, mick is ar stoney faced miserable toe rag that uses snide remarks to keep himself from crying into his bovril.

    and mancini is a git with no style – jumping up and down trying to get figueroa sent off waving imaginary cards around. pathetic.

  15. avatar cc says:

    I hear the Tottenham transfer rumor mill cranking up into gear.
    My prediction is that we will sign nobody (or nobodies and loan them to SCBC)
    Unless… someone offers to pony up a fortune for one or two of ours. But ours they are all priced so that only desperate or mega rich would consider (Pav=£14m, Ba=£7m, who you gonna buy). So tumbleweed is my bet which is fine as chances to win the league are ten a penny.

  16. avatar KayBee says:

    Ledley King and Sandro back for the City game??

    • avatar Aran says:

      Does look that way.

      How about a nice 4-3-3 with Bale and Lennon as advanced wide attackers and a midfield trio of Sandro, Parker and Modders? No Ade, sadly, but Defoe can do the job.

    • avatar Longwell says:

      Wow, really? That would be outstanding!

      Aran’s suggestion is exactly what I would go with, provided all the relevant parties are indeed fit to play. City’s most consistent vulnerability defensively this term has been counterattacking and pace in behind. Mancini is smart enough to know this of course, but that doesn’t mean he’ll necessarily have the personnel to deal with it. Yaya and Kompany being out are big misses for them.

      That said, I can’t see Harry leaving VDV out of the team for this game. I reckon we’ll see the bog standard 4-4-1-1 with Defoe in for Adebayor.

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