Victory Lap in Lancashire: The Final Shakedown of The Season

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It seems like a fair stretch ago that we were last seen pottering about at Turf Moor; twas a dreary old evening back in early 2009, making a decidedly ham-fisted attempt to book ourselves a Cup final. We did it, if I remember correctly. But with all the grace and conviction of a back alley slugger. Nerves were the problem that night. A comfortable first-leg win back at ours began to look remarkably less so as the Clarets raided goalward, chinking steadily away at our advantage. A three goal lead- after what only felt like a few swigs of lukewarm Rosé – very quickly became an aggregate deficit. A complete shower of faeces, the whole thing.

Thankfully, plenty has changed since then. Nerves shan’t be a worry tomorrow and neither should the threat of the erstwhile cup experts. Burnley are no longer the thorny, giant-toppling bastards they were in Owen Coyle’s day, rather more of a tepid version who’ve long since whimpered back to the Championship under genial everyman, Brian Laws. They had a decent bash it- trumping United along the way- but ultimately, eighty goals conceded were enough pelts in the hull to sink her. Some conciliation, though, we may well yet see Burnley in Europe next term, should Fulham do a number on Atletico in the week. Who knows, they might even bump into Roberto Mancini on their travels.

So what can we expect from our lot tomorrow? I’m fully predicting an avalanche. The thought of us leap-frogging The Arse on the final day of the season- with even more dastardly cheek than they snuck past us in 2006- will be all the incentive they need to reek havoc on Burnley’s nets. Bale, Lennon, Modders, Thudd and Defoe- quite likely feeling indestructible right now- should make this last lap in sunny Lancashire one to remember. Sign out in style. Give the fans something to remember. And let Arséne Wenger sweat the stitching out of his polyester suit over at The Emirates.

6-1 Tottenham

0-1 Fulham

No fooling, mister.

One last time for the season…

…COYS!