Kane Treble Pops Cherries

Harry’s back, tell a friend.


If the weekend’s seaside goal-bonanza does prove to be some pivotal moment in the regeneration of Super Harry Kane, then an appropriate gesture might be for the Spurs striker to pen a thank-you note to Bournemouth’s riotously heavy-handed goalkeeper. In his very best handwriting and with no spelling mistakes. Come on, young man. Don’t give me that look. Say thank-you.

Life was made exceptionally straight-forward for Kane on Sunday afternoon, thanks to the Fülöp-esque performance of Artur Boruc. Boruc, like a clapped-out old fruit machine, on its last day before deactivation, poised to cough out its last shiny jackpot at the slightest of invitation.

No-one should have to temper their excitement after a 5-1 away victory, but when such a large number of the goals are gifted so handsomely by the opposition, it’s difficult not to slip on the ol’ Perspective Hat before talking about what this talented side can accomplish.

If the goals weren’t gifted by Boruc and his crazy, cooked spaghetti fingers, then you could be damn sure a Bournemouth defender would be along soon with some cataclysmic goof.

Mousa Dembélé was one to benefit after a Danny Rose pop-shot ricocheted between a cluster of Cherries’ defenders, like the Great Attractor’s Bouncy Ball in Men in Black. It caused the 1977 New York blackout, you might remember.

The ball eventually found its way to Dembélé, who was able to react quickly amongst the malaise to slide home and further enhance his ever-improving status within the squad. That’s his first goal since February, drought fans.

While a significant theme of the afternoon was Bournemouth’s knack of treading on their own landmines, that’s really only half the story. Spurs fans will have seen plenty from their own side to keep them cautiously chipper.

Harry Kane scored a hat-trick and you’d need a concrete heart not to feel happy about that. Two instinctive finishes plus and a nicely disguised penalty that was so well masked, it nearly duped the taker himself. Thankfully the ball was already in the net by the time Kane’s arse and the floor became acquainted.

His involvement in Lamela’s goal was crucial. While not as intrinsic as Stage 2 of Artur Boruc’s Internal Breakdown, which lead to the Argentine tapping in from close-range, it was as close to an assist as you can imagine without actually being credited. Jinking and dummying his way into Bournemouth’s box to dig out a Lamela-intended cross.

A complete, if heavily aided performance from the Chingford Bomber, then.

Here is talking to BBC Sport:

“It’s about maintaining your focus, not getting too carried away and trying to stay patient. That’s what I’ve been doing. I don’t think I’ve been doing that badly overall. Today the ball dropped for me nicely and I was able to put it in the back of the net.”

While a good many were losing their collective sh*t about the form of Harry Kane, entertaining the prospect that he’s probably no better than Michael Ricketts, it’s nice to know the man himself wasn’t all too fussed.

The goals dried up almost as quickly as they had arrived for Kane, but in typical unhurried fashion, he simply shrugged his shoulders, took a slurp of Ribena and decided it’s time to start scoring again.

Delli Ali is fast becoming a personal favourite of this parish, he’ll be delighted to hear. It’s a rare glitch in the footballing cosmos that allows a player to be so young and yet so assertive in possession. How often does he make the right decision and how often does he outperform his more experienced midfield counterparts. The answer is often. All from a player who was born a couple of months before Paul Gascoigne’s Dentist Chair celebration at Wembley.

It’s f****** unbelievable, men against boys, were the words heard over the P.A system at Dean Court on Sunday. Actually it was boys against men. It’s just the boys are really rather good.


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