Flashback: Tottenham 2-1 Liverpool

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It’s coming home. It’s coming home. Fingers crossed they’re referring to Emile Heskey. Attaching gender to inanimate objects like refrigerators or medieval battering rams can be fairly difficult, so there’s every chance. What a pile of bork that was. I spent much of Friday night watching from the confines of a pub kitchen, perched atop a chest freezer, battling the urge not to dunk a hand in a deep fat fryer on each occasion a ball was spooned wide or, as was the norm, given witlessly to a nearby Algerian. Match report? Try digging out an archive of a mid-nineties Tottenham game- against, say, Nottingham Forest- and you’ll garner a reasonable idea. Rooney looks knackered, the tabloids have gone from misty-eyed optimism to effigy-touting berserk in the space of a week, and all the while Frank Lampard’s shot-to-goal ratio is starting to look like a batting average. By heck.

Instead of digging up the corpse from Cape Town, then, I’m going to graciously tip-toe around it. Apologies if you were expecting something a bit more World Cuppy, but it’s my birthday tomorrow (don’t worry about sending cards- cheques will be fine) so you’ll have to make do. Yes, the Flashback series is going all the way back to day one.

August, 2009. White Hart Lane. Liverpool.

Cautious optimism is probably the buzzword for many a Tottenham fan when going into a new season. If history has taught us anything, it’s that no matter how many megastars are taken hostage during the transfer window, how apparently water-tight our mob looks on paper after roasting Leyton Orient in pre-season- there’s every chance the campaign might just kick-start with an almighty stink. The year previously it was Middlesbrough. Before that, Sunderland. The fact that Rafa Benitez’s Liverpool were waltzing into North London on that sun-sodden August weekend- albeit Alonso-less- had the most unerring of us concede that a point, in light of our usual day one jitters, might not be all that disastrous. Courtesy of some well-bred Cameroonian stock, however, things turned out rather better…

What I said before: The season is all but upon us. Those that have been left weary from a summer of tabloid gossip and 5-day posh rounders can rest easy; that old mistress kick-ball is in our midst. Crack open your best bottle of anti-freeze and throw a vigorous fist skyward; Tottenham Hotspur are back open for business”

 


What I said after: “ Spurs’ season is off and running and there seems to be few possible ways of starting it any better. 3 points. 1 game. T’riffic. I must admit to being a trifle concerned when the fixture list was first announced; with some pretty gruelling scuffles against Chelsea and Man Utd within the ear-shot, it would’ve been unthinkable to go into Wednesday’s trip to Hull with nil-points and a twinge of must win anxieties already frothing in the mind-set. But I needn’t have worried. By the power invested in BAE’s left-bat we got a result.”

What they said after: “Perhaps these will be ground-breaking days at White Hart Lane in a larger sense. If the sort of control they exerted over Liverpool is to be repeated regularly then the dream of a high station in the table is rational. The excellence of Luka Modric and Wilson Palacios, for instance, was no fleeting illusion on a warm summer’s day. Liverpool would be well-advised to accept how ill-equipped they were.”– The Guardian

What you said after:

I never slept till daylight my heart whas pounding with pride .You se[e] i live 12 miles from hordes [o]f reds and blues but in my house there where piss stains white and blue on my body with a smile bigger than the mersey tunnel my family and brother inlaw were gutted and turned there mobiles of and house phones to stop…etc…etc..”– Davspurs (Who else?)

Ledders, Bassong and Willy combined beautifully to take Torres and Gerrard out of the game. I’ve seen porn stars with more shots on target then those two had. The four of them should have their report cards adjusted accordingly.”– Lamedog.

Lennon gets a higher rating than Huddlestone? You’re quite clearly mad.”- The_Fox.

“Luka is amazing. I was at my local, crowded with MU and Pool supporters, when he fizzed that ball to PSB. As one, everyone let out an “ohhhhhhhhhhh!” at the sheer beauty of it.”- SSG.


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