Epic Bale

18BaleAlright. Hands up any of you who were tempted to switch over to Masterchef at eight-thirty on Wednesday night? I know I bloody was. After watching Tottenham whimper off the pitch at half-time like victims of some pretty nasty domestic abuse, the idea of flicking to Michel Roux Jr. and that talking egg seemed like a good one. Nothing can go wrong watching Masterchef. All those soothing studio lights. The oddly inappropriate blurts of drum and bass between scenes. Oh look. He’s made a soufflé. Deary me, that’s not risen very well has it? And Michel Roux looks like he hates him. Jeez. The poor boy’s only trying to make dinner.

Of course, I didn’t turn over. I’d be no kind of supporter if I did. The first half may’ve been an excruciating watch; the felo-de-se approach to defending, the Gomes meltdown, the removal of Modric, (for me, a tactical move as good as waving the white flag) the rubber-necking of the ITV lummoxes- it was all just pretty dreadful. But I daren’t switch off. If this ship’s going down, I thought, I’d like to be there saluting her when she does. No matter what happens. Six, seven, eight. Whatever. Bring it on. We’re just happy to be there, right?

Well, kind of. Until something happened called Gareth Bale. I half-jokingly suggested before the game that Maicon- along with Ramos and Daniel Alves arguably the best right-back in the world- would be mere pâté on the Welshman’s toast come Wednesday evening. Try as he might, he’d be spending the entire ninety chasing pockets of space that used to be our Gareth. Three mesmeric goals later and the half-truths turned into full-blown it’s actually bloody happening. Three goals; each less spectacular than the last, but more staggering than the next. It’s the San Siro. You don’t score hat-tricks at the San Siro. Least of all ex- Southampton full-backs from Cardiff only just old enough to buy licker in Arizona. It wasn’t just Maicon- no-one could get within touching distance. Seeing Bale click through the gears as he skedaddled past one international defender after another, was one of the most exciting things I’ve seen from a Spurs player in last two decades. Purely down to the caliber of opposition. Forget Ginola’s pirouettes and jigs through the mob at Oakwell- this is another level. I’m not even sure it’s the same sport…

 

“And to think some members of this parish questioned the recent description of Bale as the best left-sided player in England. As one newspaper put it this morning, Bale’s one-man rebellion in the San Siro, one of Europe’s most hallowed football cathedrals, was ‘quite simply a stunning performance from one of the best young footballers in Europe’. Quite the accolade, quite the talent.”

Peter Gill, F365.

Wait until we chuck Van der Vaart into the mix for the return leg. Sucker.

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