What On Earth Do We Expect?

mysteryPremier League brand kickball makes its glorious return this weekend, and for Spurs the outlook is, well, no-one’s altogether sure. What counts as success these days anyway? Is fourth place success? Fifth place, does that count as success? Would winning the League Cup be success? Is this picture of a fish finger success? Am I success?

No, of course I’m not. Pull yourself together.

My advice would be to loosen up and remember the golden rule of supporting Tottenham Hotspur: assume unmitigated disaster is just around the corner and if it somehow turns out okay- then, well, super.

One could suggest that the aesthetics of the football we churn out needs improving; AVB often sucked the fun out of games and Tim Sherwood sucked the fun out of life. Most level-headed fans would accept a style change as serious progress under Pochettino. Attach that to a cup final or, heaven forbid, a trophy and we’ll all go home a delirious mess.

In contrast to last summer, not spending £100m in the transfer window has at least tempered any thoughts of us nuzzling alongside City and Chelsea at the League’s summit, but further than that, Pochettino’s brigade are a pleasingly mysterious prospect.

Alongside the unknowns of this new-look Spurs, however, there’s always room for circumspect optimism. Sure, the sound of the transfer record being regularly shattered is an exciting event, but just as exciting can be the noise of careful and considered spending. The gentle whir of someone having a jolly good think and identifying some of our long-term concerns

Buy a left-back, you slag, was a phrase you might’ve come across quite regularly on social media in the last year or so. It’s been a problem area since Danny Rose first discovered that running really fast was more fun than defending. Ben Davies’ arrival has, at the very worst, given Rose some much-needed competition; as it’s fair to say that we won’t be relying on BAE, now that he’s fully converted into someone who hates football.

It’s also worth remembering that the players we purchased this time last year, weren’t signed on one-year contracts. They’re still here, waiting to pop. In some cases waiting to be taken out of the packaging. Remember that Erik Lamela character? If you do have strong powers of recall then you might have recognised somewhat of a change in the young man. No longer a spooked infant goat; wobbly on his feet, unsure of himself or his surroundings. But a fully-grown antelope; a one-man stampede who tore through the Pacific Northwest during pre-season. Look at him go!

It was always going to be tempting to suggest that Pochettino would be the man to get the best out of Lamela- they’re from the same country, duh!– but in this case the early signs indicate that all was needed was his coach to share a kindred tongue. It’s also quite possible that Pochettino is just a good man-manager and being able to speak Spanish has nothing to do with it. I’m sure Carlos Valderama wouldn’t have settled in at Montpellier any quicker had Shakira been around for a chat.

So, with the pressure seemingly off- or at least not quite as intense as it was after gunning all the Bale money- we could surprise ourselves this season: even if at present the details as to what that surprise might be are a little sketchy. There’s the nucleus of something exciting here; potential for something magnificent if the board holds its nerve. With the pool of talent, under the guidance of a bright coach, literally anything could happen. A cup run, an assault on the Europa League, relegation. It’s all up for grabs.

The season’s about to start, folks, time to get a sense of adventure.

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9 Responses to What On Earth Do We Expect?

  1. avatar Aran says:

    I’d be happy with 5th and a good showing from our younger players. This season needs to suggest progress. We need to win a game or two against the big boys, not get battered by anyone, and maybe have a good cup run.

  2. avatar Todd says:

    My dream team Lloris, Walker, Musacchio, Vertongan, Davis, Lamela, Schneiderlin
    Depay, Eriksen. Bony, Benteke. Subs and Cover for the rest on the squad. Vorm, Yedlin, Dier, Chiriches, Rose, Paulinho, Hotby, Capoue, Bentaleb, Kane, Soldado. And a few of the youngsters coming through our ranks. The rest I’m sorry to say you don’t make the cut. Thanks and Goodbye. Dawson not good enough, Kabul, injury prone. Naughton might stay around if Poochi can get him playing better. Chadli a lumbering cart horse. Dembele the best of him has gone. Sandro to many injuries, Lennon could stay, again Poochi could do something with him. Looks a bit better in a couple of friendlies iv seen him in. Townsend, if he tries to be a club player and not me me me. We could of had a couple of more goals playing Shalke if only he had squared the fucking thing to Soldado. Adebayor, I just think when he doesn’t want to play, he don’t. Win the FA cup, finish in fifth, but wait a min. We qualify for the Champions league by winning the Europa Cup. Then Next season few new more whole class signings, new Stadium being built. Then really up there with the big boys. Poochi retires at sixty five. Iv had my ashes scattered at The Lane. O Happy Fucking Days. COYS.

    • avatar Eric says:

      Are you just rehashing this comment across every site and story this morning. Your looking for to much change again we need a season of stability not mass upheaval it didn’t work last time and it won’t this time either. Yes we could get Depay in that one works so does a deal for Mussachio. But we don’t need Schniederlin he is no better than what we already have at the club and the same can be said of Benteke. Kane should be given the chance he has earned and in truth we should only be looking to sign another striker (Bony) if we sell either Ade or Soldado which I don’t see happening. I would get rid of a few though Kaboul, Naughton,Lennon and even Sandro should be sold and loan deals should be found for Fredricks,Carroll,Mason and Fryers in the prem if its possible but no lower than the championship. But Dawson I would keep he has been a great servant to the club and could help bed in the new boys in defence also he deserves the chance to earn a testimonial for his service and if he isn’t working out we can let him go in January with a pat on the back and a promise of his return for his big day. 6th and the Europa cup and it a bloody good first year for Poch and Spurs COYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. avatar bullers says:

    Top piece. Can you include a few loose insults regarding minorpool/livercoal in your next edition.

    Possibly a few stats on how they faired the year directly after finishing second the last time perhaps



  4. avatar who framed ruel fox? says:


    Thanks, Buller- much appreciated.

    Always open to requests. I also do a pretty good Christopher Walken.

  5. avatar who framed ruel fox? says:

    @greg meyer

    Hugely appreciated, Greg. I’m a big fan of yours, too. You and JimmyG2 are a formidable team!

  6. avatar seattlespursguy says:

    The sad passing of Robin Williams puts me in mind of his line from Garp:

    “We’ll take the house. Honey, the chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical. It’s been pre-disastered. We’re going to be safe here.”

    And “pre-disastered” is how I go into every season with Spurs. Let’s be having it!

  7. avatar Who Framed Ruel Fox? says:

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