‘A Symbol of Everything That’s Wrong With The Club’- Word From The Enemy

If everyone can stop doing racisms for just one minute! Phew. Glad we got that sorted. Rightio, ahead of tonight’s big game with Chelsea, I’ve roped in one of the chaps behind the fabulous movie trailer review site, Trailer Trash. It’s Harry Thompson and he just happens to have the grave misfortune of being a Blues fan. Poor lamb. Anyway, it’s all clean fun. Read on…

WFRF: Hello! Let’s get the big one out of the way first, shall we? There’s only Juan Mata, that much is obvious. But Chelsea also made some pretty big moves to sign Luka Modric in the summer. What do you think you were playing at there, sonny lad?

HT: Good day. I seem to remember Modric wanting to move to Chelsea more than anything: handing transfer requests, refusing to play, that kind of thing. It was all a bit finger-bang and no %£!* in the end, wasn’t it? Mind you, we’d probably be in a better league position (i.e. above Tottenham) had we acquired Modric in the summer. We’ll have to see what Father Christmas brings in the New Year.

WFRF: Steady. John Terry is a terrible human being. No need for any debate there. But is there a direct correlation between how much the rest of football despises him and how much Chelsea fans love him? Or is it physically impossible to love John Terry?

HT: I used to really love John Terry. He was an exemplary defender and captain, really one of a kind. Note the use of past tense there, because I now see him as a symbol of everything that is wrong with Chelsea, and to a lesser extent – football/society. Still, given the choice between having JT on the pitch or not…I think the old dog still has something to give. Just not in any civil rights debates.

WFRF: What’s up with the boy Torres? He used to be good. Now, you know, he’s not. To me it looks as if he’s gone and done a Michael Owen and lost his entire game with the loss of a few yards of pace. Which is a shame as I thought his composition as a player was more than just p*ss-whippet speed and great finishing. Or is this just confidence thing? His touch of late has been like a trampoline.

HT: I am not the least bit surprised you brought this up. I’m no psychiatrist, and I don’t know what’s wrong with the overpaid, Spanish diva. But if you think about it, he’s getting paid monstrously well to do very little, that to me, is a form of success. It seemed like he was having a good spell a month back or so and now can’t even get a cameo in the final minutes. I guess we’ll see what happens for the African Cup of Nations, when AVB has no choice but to bring him on.

WFRF: More of the same, I would guess. You had Scott Parker on your books under Mourinho. It’s fair to say Chelsea weren’t exactly short of central midfielders at the time- Makélelé, Lampard, Geremi, Tiago and whatnot- but what do you make of him as a player now? I remember him being brilliant at Charlton and obviously did well at the stinking lot across town, but he seems to have turned into a sensational footballer overnight. Do you think some of the other big teams might be regretting not going in for him? Man United, for example, crashed out of Europe with a 36 year old left-winger, a 19 year old centre-back and Ji-Sung Park in midfield.

HT: He’s a great player, and not just because he looks like a Thunderbird come-to-life. Bear in mind he’s 31 years of age now, it’s not like you’ll have him forever. Trust me, I learnt the hard way…I had this brilliant dog once, one of the best, but we got him old- too old some said. Anyway, one Christmas morning we came down and boom – dead dog. Exactly the same thing will happen with Parker, just enjoy him while you can. One day, he’ll be gone…not entirely sure if I’m talking about Scott Parker or my dog. Maybe both, maybe both…

WFRF: Are you saying someone’s going to shoot Scott Parker? Well that’s not on. So what do you make of AVB, then? Do you think his handsomeness covers up for his inexperience and tactical naivety? Or do you think he just needs more time to implement his ideas? I mean, it must be quite a task with all the- how to put this- c*nts you have in the dressing room.

HT: Yeah…managing Chelsea has become an impossible task. If you’re winning, but not winning beautifully you’ll be sacked. Having said that, I don’t like AVB, he’s arrogant, stubborn, and humourless. If I see one more highball loft over our back four because he insists on having the defence near the halfway line, I’ll go crazy. He’ll probably be sacked after Xmas anyway, so let’s not lose any sleep.

WFRF: Okay, let’s cut to the chase. Predictions for tonight?

HT: Erm…1-1 seeing as it’s Christmas!

**You can visit Harry’s great site on the link below or follow him on Twitter here. Or, if you’re not fussy with your stalking habits, you can Twitter me up here.**