A Pocket Guide to Beating Fulham

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Afternoon, campers.

Hope this finds you in good spirits.

Without wishing to bore you with a drawn-out story which details include losing a key, missing a train, a step-ladder, a window, a gardening fork and, later, several pitchers of Cuba Libre, I managed to miss the game this weekend. Nothing particularly depraved you understand, just a sequence of misfortunate events which left me unable to get within ten yards of anything remotely resembling a television set. Phone updates were off-limits, too. As much as you try, there’s only so much you can garner about the progress of a football match from cloud formations and an out of date bus timetable. Which is a shame. It sounded like a real dinger.

All I can safely remark on is the result, which, perhaps understandably, hasn’t been met with widespread approval. Yet again missed chances appears to be the main bone of contention; not helped in the least by another two-bit Charlie summoning the spirit of Dino Zoff and deflecting everything in thwacking distance. Another case of the Myhills.  Funny how these extraordinary powers seem to fade just as quickly as they are acquired; I don’t remember Rooney making such a three-course meal of beating the Hull keeper as we did. Like I say, I can’t hope to comment on the bills of Ankergren or, indeed, his skills to pay them.

Some Russian scored for us. Didn’t catch his name.

Roman Pavlyuchenko. My fingers haven’t knocked that combination of letters out in a while. I wouldn’t get too attached, though, even without a groin strain, (I presume his muscle fibres went into shock) it’s patently clear that he’s still nowhere in ‘Arry’s plans. He could’ve scored six and this would reamain the case. I get the impression that his appearance at the weekend was the beginning of a prolonged goodbye tour which could well run into the summer. If reports that the aforementioned groin damage isn’t quite as serious as first thought, we may see another leg of it tonight. And it’ll go on like this for the rest of the season- glimpses of Pav in training or at the tail-end of games, like a capture sending out obscure photos or bits of finger to prove their hostage is still alive and worth stumping up a hefty ransom for- until he finally disappears into the night. Never to be heard from again.

Moving on. I feel like I say this every week, but tonight we host a team not exactly setting the form book alight. In fact, barely even singing the page’s edge. Fulham have lost their last three outings; a sequence which, not unsurprisingly, has coincided with the injury of Bobby Zamora. Sadly, that bag ‘o’ spanners may make a cameo appearance this evening and I imagine he’s going to be suitably pumped. I’d like Dawson to give him slap just to let him know whose house it is. Could be interesting. The order of the day is an early goal and not surrendering all hope if the keeper makes a couple of routine saves. Schwarzer is a decent sort but he isn’t, as we might protest after the game, impenetrable. He isn’t a superhero. Although two first half goals might well prove to be his kryptonite.

3-1 for me then.

With Crouch to get two.

COYS!


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22 Responses to A Pocket Guide to Beating Fulham

  1. avatar steve s says:

    “I’d like Dawson to give him slap”

    yea and another penalty 🙂

  2. avatar TMWNN says:

    Didn’t realise Fulham have lost their last three. I had us down for a win, but now I’m not so sure. If Jenas starts, I’ll be even less sure.

  3. avatar JimmyG2 says:

    You missed a good game but you wouldn’t have enjoyed it. Neutrals only.
    We might just thrash Fulham tonight, they don’t travel well as you say, and we can’t go on making chances and missing them. Can we?
    I couldnt afford a new website but I’ve hung afew pictures up at chez JIMMYG2. What do you think?

  4. We should handle Fulham. The problem is we SHOULD be able to handle 16 teams in the league and be able to compete with the other three. Our defending has been very good, but we simply aren’t cashing in on the bucket of chances we create.

    I blame Jenas 🙁

  5. avatar KayBee says:

    I blame Harry.

    Can’t believe how narrow he’s made us in the wake of Lennon’s injury. Y’cannae play two widemen who always cut inside, it’s madness I tell ye, madness!

    Anyway, I have a feeling we’ll dish out a thorough spanking to Fulham tonight.

    However, I had that very same feeling about the Liverpool game (pre postponement that is) and look what happened there.

  6. avatar Spiritual Advisor says:

    I foresee a tough fought match tonight and if the last meeting was anything to go by a fairly cagey affair.

    Would love to see Fulham dispatched with a healthy score line but after recent displays of tactical ineptitude (Jenas) something really has to change for us to start converting with more regularity.
    The second goal against Leeds was a great example of what we are capable of but we still need to do that for 90 mins.

    That said after recent dismal decisions from the men in black we’re due a hefty dose of positive karma 🙂

    Reckon 2-1 Spurs

  7. Nothing fancy, but a deserved win. Well done!

  8. avatar Longwell says:

    Reminiscent of the West Ham match back in December, a professional workmanlike performance. Solid.

    Really pleased for Baler.

  9. avatar Spiritual Advisor says:

    Solid disciplined determined performance, had my worries bofore that. Hats off to Bentley (never thought I’d say that.)

  10. RIP, Baler Curse.

    Glad that things are coming together for him and he has grasped his chance. It’s nice to have options and Bale and BAE certainly provide that at LB

  11. avatar KayBee says:

    I’ve got to say, that was the best we’ve seen from Luka since his return from the broken leg.

    His little backheel to Baler, and then the way he kept that ball from going out and karate kicked it to Crouchinho for his goal were nothing short of sublime. A joy to watch.

    I’m also really pleased for Baler, who looks back to being the player we originally signed.

    Great stuff!

    Oh, the Liverpool result was nice, too!

  12. avatar Longwell says:

    So it’s back to a three-point lead over our top four rivals. Citeh has two games in hand, though: Pompey (H) and Hull (A). Ugh. Do they ever bloody play anyone that’s any good? Villa have l’Arse (H) and Fulham (A) as their games in hand.

    Suffice to say, we need to keep the three-point train chugging along at Brum this weekend to maintain the pressure on those below us. That, and fingers crossed that Citeh are all tuckered out from their second Manchester derby in as many weeks and one or both of the relegation fodder clubs can do us a favor.

  13. avatar KayBee says:

    Basically, given our inability to put daylight between us and those below us, and given that those above and below us are doing likewise, it’s gonna be one long ol’ slugfest until the end of the season.

    Right now it’s hard to see anyone pulling away in the chase for a Champs League spot.

    I predicted 5th or 6th at the start of the season, and I’ll still be happy with that, but 4th is not unrealistic, providing we can get a little more consistency.

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