A Pocket Guide to Beating Blackburn


We’re opening the show this weekend. No time for nerves or last minute dress-rehearsals; we’ve drawn the lunchtime shift. Blackburn Rovers. All told, a bleak proposition for such an hour. But at least we can take solace in the news that the fixture isn’t reliant on a grim expedition up north- as was the case in December- where the chances of losing a body in the snow are worryingly high. We’re at home. And the comforts of such should give us plenty of reasons to be optimistic.

Sam Allardyce has been in mischievous mood this week. Playground stuff, really. After some not altogether subtle comments about his outfit’s caustic methods, Papa Benitez has felt Big Sam’s icy hand of rejection. ‘I just don’t like him,’ he told us, while administering a head-lock to one of the boys in upper sixth. Benitez is said to be devastated.

Blackburn are a volatile bunch. Allardyce has fashioned them into a mould of his own image. Not always pretty to look at- rarely, in fact- but effective all the same. A Bolton 2.0. As such, they’ve had a relatively productive season; by no means lighting up the sky with fireworks, more holding a torch into the clouds and waving it around a bit. A stalemate with Liverpool and beating the likes of Fulham and Villa are not feats to be taken lightly. Suffice to say, we’ve come unstuck against flimsier opposition this season. At home, too.

Beware the Ides of March, then.

The body count in the medic’s tent is still a concern for us. Woodgate’s been ruled out for the season while he undergoes yet more treatment for his irksome groin; Lennon and his understudy, Bentley, are still MIA and King, Jenas and Huddlestone all look set to miss out. Put those in order of importance at your own leisure.

But Kaboul is available.

So we should be just fine.

2-0 for me. Pav and, let’s say, Dawson.

Place your bets, folks.


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44 Responses to A Pocket Guide to Beating Blackburn

  1. avatar JamieSpurs says:

    Start fast, score early, maintain the pressure, keep a high tempo, plenty of passing, score twice more, pick them off for the rest of the game & relax.

    The watch the chasing pack try to keep up.

    3pts aren’t needed they are ESSENTIAL.

    I don’t want another hard luck “we found them hard to break down” story. Do your jobs boys and beat this motley bunch of hastily assembled bouncers.

    If we don’t pick up 3pts we’re as good as out of the race for 4th IMO.


    (I just hope Webb doesn’t pull out a typical Tottenham performance from his refereeing guidebook)

    • Ah yes. I forgot to mention the Old Webbatron.

      I’m not sure I can go through another of his meltdowns at our expense. Best advice, I suppose, is not to give him reason to make one of his customary spazz decisons. By which I mean- lodging the whistle firmly in his windpipe.

      Or just scoring four before half-time, thus making the ineviatble penatly he gives them pretty redundant.

  2. avatar JamieSpurs says:

    After reading Fat Sam’slittle dig at us on DML’s new blog………

    I want Blackburn terminated. Not crushed, not battered. I want them vapourised!

    Nothing else will do.

    Sorry Robbo but I want your back to be killing you by the time the 90 is up.

  3. avatar glenwasgod says:

    get davspurs to deliver the teamtalk

  4. avatar weejp says:


    Fox, you stole my thunder!


  5. avatar JamieSpurs says:

    Think I just gave myself a hernia reading JolsGoneMental’s post about Davspurs!

    How I didn’t piss myself at my desk is a miracle!

    For those who didn’t see it…………………>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    davspurs, lunatic drug tsar, crusher of bindippers and manx, breeze block face smashing rambling brick befriending davspurs – is a woman??

    fucking, holy shit, batman

    Mar 12, 2010 at 12:03 PM | jolsgonemental

  6. avatar Foggy says:

    I honestly cant see what all the fuss is about regarding Davspur,so he has his opinion on the way drugs are used in the game,that’s fair enough isn’t it?

    Anyway I hope Harry continues with Pav and Defoe tomorrow,with an appearance for Eidur as well me hopes.

  7. Please stop! I’m at work and people are wondering why I’m barking with laughter!

    Please, PLEASE, can someone across the pond track down DAV (ID) (IVA)? (S)he must be found his/her wisdom brought before a wider audience.

    This is just one of the reasons why I love this club. Other clubs would hide away their more eccentric followers. Spurs gives them a front row seat.

  8. avatar JamieSpurs says:

    I’m starting it here…….


    there you go, I said it.

  9. avatar Sir Sidney of the Trotters says:

    I believe that tomorrow I will have better grammar

  10. avatar KayBee says:

    I’ve made a huge cock-up; I promised my mum I’d take her out shopping for the day, and will miss the match.


    Of course, i’ll be SKY+ing it, but it isn’t the same.

  11. avatar KayBee says:

    Funny enough, I agree with Big Sam.

    It WASN’T food poisoning.

    It was a norovirus, right?

    I also firmly believe that the last game against West Ham is a complete red herring, we threw away so many points over Christmas that THAT’S where we lost out on Champs League footie that year, NOT against West Ham.


  12. avatar KayBee says:

    Just thought I’d share some music for the weekend.


    Obviously, non hiphop fans look away now.


  13. avatar Spiritual Advisor says:

    Looking forward to a good ol start of the season style 4-0 thrashing of Blackburn. Can’t help but think the only way we will come unstuck will be courtesy of arch referee nemesis Webb so hopefully the next time someone lays eyes on him will be through crosshairs. Wishful thinking apart, we should dominate this usually tempestous encounter with our usual flair and panache at the Lane.

  14. avatar JimmyG2 says:

    I make it 3-0 but what´s a goal amongst friends.
    Sams´s trying to mind game Harry into playing Crouch, you know the old Brer Rabbit trick, anything but the briar patch stuff. (New readers to the Uncle Remus stories start here)

    Since neither of them anything remotely resembling a fully formed mind this will clearly not work.
    I hope to see Pav. and Defoe start and which of them gets the hat-trick I care not.

    • I have to disagree about it being a mind game, Sir. Harry persisted with big ol’, hoof-inducing, non-scoring Pete for ages. I’m sure a long ball merchant like Pig-Eyed Sam would wank himself into a coma if he had a 60 yard lob magnet like Crouch on his team. I think Sam was saying exactly what was on his limited mind.

  15. avatar JimmyG2 says:

    insert´has´ between ´them´ and ´ anything´ in the above.
    I thank you.

  16. Hi lads this is DAVINA’S girlfriend she has asked me to do this blog she has a headache you now what i mean fellows. She asked me to pass this on to all the piss takers Sams pace maker has been set to the the same tempo has Ephedrine so Sam can chew and bellow for 90 mins plus injury time .This information came from Davinaspurs sister who is a theater Nurse and under the anesthetic Sam was rambling about Ephedrine beat this is the prove my bitch was telling the truth and the The Police are sending 17 police sniffer dogs in to Blackburn’s Dressing room at half time and if the dogs sit down next to a player they will be arrested after we beat them of course 3-1 this is a Davspurs exclusive to Foxey to pis Spooky off. COYSBTCH

  17. OK, I have to get up butt-crack early for the match (0445 start here) so it better be worth it! COYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. avatar ooh ahh klinsmann says:

    ive just remembered Robbo is the blackburn keeper. oh fuck. it would be so unusual for a visiting keeper at the lane to make a string of ridiculous saves. our fans will be singing “englands number one” at him and he’l probably put in the performance of a lifetime…

    one christmas he signed a bag of balls and kicked them into the crowd before a match. he was a legend but sadly turned into a bag of balls. hopefully defoe fuzz whips one past him early doors.. coys!

  19. avatar DAVSPURS says:

    Lets kick ass and send Big Sam down the motorway Mumbling i hate Harry and that fickin Bitch davspurs she or he has ruined our Tempo we should have won 1-0 not lost 4-1 said a Sad Sam still chewing is stale gum.Coys

  20. avatar who framed ruel fox? says:
  21. avatar JamieSpurs says:

    Howard Webb HATES us.


  22. avatar JamieSpurs says:


    I’ll die a little inside if he goes in the summer.

    19pts from 10 games before today.
    16pts from 9 games required now.


  23. avatar A different animal says:

    Bale looked more comfortable, wish he had scored on that bullet. His work in the air has improved and it’s nice having someone in midfield with some aerial ability. He was working well with BAE who also put in some nice crosses. I can’t wait to see GB with Lennon. I thought Wilson, aside from a couple of fouls in dangerous areas, was excellent. The buildup to Luka’s run and the final pass were top notch. Dawson’s marking on set pieces still worries but he abides.

  24. avatar SeattleSpursGuy says:

    16 points needed

    Stoke (A)
    Pompey (H)
    S’land (A)
    Arse (H)(date may be changed)
    Chavs (H)
    Man U (A)
    Bolton (H)
    Burnley (A)
    Man Shitty (A) (Date TBD)

    5 wins and a draw. Realistically, we need a win and a draw from the Chavs and Arse as it will be tough to pick up anything at Man U.

    Doable though. We’re still in this.

  25. avatar Spiritual Advisor says:

    Top notch performance, thouroughly chuffed by that one . COYS

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