How to Win Games and Influence People

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Good morning, hello and welcome.

It’s probably safe to assume this might not unfold quite as it did last time around. Not that we’re a different team than we were three months ago, just the likelihood of us scoring nine in one game again is verging on the improbable, if not the down-right impossible. In fact, the odds in favour of such an event would almost certainly reach numbers that my brain would have trouble computing. Leaving me with that look of deadness about the eye which would cause onlookers to think I’d suffered an aneurism.

We don’t need nine goals on Sunday, or, indeed, a performance of such indulgence. Merely a win. Nothing fancy- just a harping back to the days of August and September when three points were the norm rather than the abnormal. Before someone took sandpaper to our wooden strikers and blunted them. In short, we need a war-cry, not an apologetic cough in the face of Martinez’s Wigan. Let’s get this season back on the rails.

Good news, if ever I heard it, comes in the form of a successfully rebuilt Aaron Lennon whose impeding homecoming looks set for the weekend. An operation, we’ve been informed, wasn’t needed after all- a relief for all concerned. Particularly Lennon, whose anatomy’s most delicate part they were planning on carving. Just terrific. Possibly not so for Wigan. I was informed a few days ago that Erik Edman had since moved on from the DW- in no small part thanks to his Barry Chuckle shift at our place – so it’ll be someone else’s job to keep shackles on the motor-footed one. Here’s hoping six weeks on the shelf hasn’t dulled his powers.

No team talk from me, then. Or any suggestion of what Harry’s team selection might be. Just fingers firmly betwixt in hope. A win, a win, a win.

Anything else might just bring on that aneurism.


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