Club For Sale: Piers Morgan Need Not Apply
You can’t blame Joe Lewis, really. At 77 and richer than Bruce Wayne, who on earth would choose to keep investing in a football club so dysfunctional and comically luckless as Tottenham? The fact that he genuinely supports the club makes it even more tragic.
No, with the old death clock ticking on mercilessly, Joe Lewis’ blood pressure and general well-being would undoubtedly benefit if he were to offload to the wealthiest, moustache-twisting oil lord. Why spend time worrying about Europa League ticket revenue or planning permission for a new stadium when you could be admiring your Francis Bacon collection or taking a stroll around one of your luxury golf courses?
Why indeed.
Cain Hoy is the name we’ve heard mentioned in the press as a would-be buyer; an assemblage of absurdly well-heeled US businessmen whose head of European investments is London-born Spurs season ticket holder, Jonathan Goldstein. Almost too convenient.
Anyway because the club withdrew its shares from the stock exchange and entered private ownership in 2012, Lewis and his buddies at ENIC are now in a position to ask for any amount of doubloon they so wish. In this case Big Joe has set the ransom at £1billion and Cain Hoy, or whoever else’s fancy the venture might tickle, have until October 10th to start emptying their high-interest accounts.
Intriguing times ahead.
Elsewhere in the BIG NEWS OFF THE PITCH section: there’s been much excitement/confusion/anger manifesting from the idea of us playing a season in Milton Keynes, while the Sainsbury’s Nectar Point Stadium waits to spring from the earth like a page from a pop-up book. The most conservative estimates have this happening around 2034. The year of our new cyber lord.
Was it worth it, they’ll ask. Before the great chasms of hell open up and swallow us all. Everyone apart from Ledley King whose JCB operating skills will be vital in the post-apocalyptic tidy-up.
Gah. It’s a good job Mauricio Pochettino appears to be getting things sorted on the pitch, otherwise this could all be quite disheartening.
2 Responses to Club For Sale: Piers Morgan Need Not Apply