The Big Cheese Player Ratings for Cardiff
Last season, Spurs finally discovered the antidote for defensively resilient outfits like Cardiff City: it was called Give the Ball to Gareth Bale and Wait For the Fireworks. A high-risk, perhaps one-dimensional strategy at times, but by golly, more often than not, it worked.
Before the Welshman’s propulsion into the realms of Last Action Superherodom, Tottenham had a fine tradition in dominating the lower-rung sides with no end result; gluttonous amounts possession, shots raining in from all angles and ranges- usually to be met betwixt the posts by a reincarnated Lev Yashin, in no mood to be undone. Stoke, Wolves, Hull. You name them, we’ve made a bungled job of beating them.
Without a Gareth Bale even in the same time-zone on Sunday, then, Tottenham eventually managed to breakdown a dogged Cardiff side with keeper, David Marshall, in the form of his life. Twenty-nine shots we attempted, including those blocked or hammered out of the stadium by Andros Townsend, who continues to impress and frustrate in equal quantities.
For most of the afternoon, Mackay’s men were pegged back and dragged apart by Spurs’ velvet-brand passing machine- Dembélé, Eriksen and Sigurdsson at the heart of everything good. Crucially, though, despite the Icelander thumping one against the crossbar and Soldado going close on a number of occasions, Marshall’s net remained unruffled and that way you could imagine it staying. Just one of those days, you’d reason with a lukewarm despondency.
Until that is, glory be, the 93rd minute. Reminiscent of Del Piero’s consolation goal in the ’97 Champions League Final, Paulinho tears into the box to back-heel the winner and save the day. Impacting substitutes Lamela and Holtby combined well down the right and the Brazilian showed great resolve to meet the cutback. Cue elation, relief and an A Grade bundle. Three deserved points.
Here’re some more arbitrary player ratings, this time as represented by varying forms of cheese.
Hugo Lloris: Camembert de Normandie. With added crackers. IN the box.
Kyle Walker: Maturing Cheddar.
Kyle Naughton: Dairylea Dunkers.
Jan Vertonghen: Boursin.
Michael Dawson: Pineapple and Cheese on a Stick. Hard to beat.
Gylfi Sigurdsson: Cheese Flavoured Moments. Popular with (cross)bars.
Moussa Dembélé: Very Gouda. Sorry. Again.
Paulinho: Stinking Bishop. Overpowering.
Andros Townsend: Emmental. Holes.
Christian Eriksen: Danish (in) Blue.
Roberto Soldado: Parmigiano-Reggiano. Hard cheese.
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