We Eat Lasagne For Breakfast | End of Season Showdown

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I trust you’ve fastened your seatbelts and your tray-tables are in their upright and locked position. If you need me, I’ll be the one hammering on the door of the cock-pit demanding to speak to the pilot. Come on, open up, you peasant! I know you’ve got a parachute in there somewhere..

A bit late to get off now, perhaps. Marshmallow clouds whiz past the window and the landing strip is in plain view. The only question that remains, after a season of navigating ourselves through an assortment of clear skies and prolonged zones of turbulence, just where exactly are Tottenham going to put this bird down. And what state is she going to be in once grounded.

I have a recurring nightmare that Captain Redknapp’s last act will be a spectacular fiery belly-flop into a dust field two miles short of the airport; the wreckage of which will be picked apart and sold by rag-and-bone men.

But, you know, other than that I’m fairly upbeat.

Fulham at home, then. The last hurrah. I’m sure you’re all aware of the possible incarnations the final table can assume. We’re looking at anywhere between 5th and 3rd. And everything (that’s to say, 4th) in between. All to play for, as our venerable leader reasoned earlier.

Word from the front desk is that professional Rhyme-noceros, Clint Dempsey, is out of action for the trip. Too busy dropping thunder in the studio, no doubt. This, it’s fair to say, is good news for Spurs. Twenty-three goals in all competitions for Dempsey this season and I’m happy for it to stop there. We’ll have enough to keep us occupied with Dembélé and Progrebnyak in residence, of that I’m certain.

Aside from keeping Saturday night’s dinner down- as apose to having it line the inside of their shorts like frothy Bisto- Tottenham’s only real dilemma is at left-back; where an injured Disco Benny and a suspended Danny Rose leave us in a rather tight spot. Gareth Bale springs to mind, but whether he can be relied upon to not go wandering up front/right-wing/ or, indeed, in goal, when the urge arises, it’s difficult to say. Personally I’d take a punt on Gallas and be done with it.

Right, here we go, folks Your thoughts, as ever, are welcomed. Let’s have a happy and prosperous end to the season. Like we know we should. COYS!

 

I’ll be on Twitter. Praying.

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