No sooner had I popped a decomposed pigeon heart in an envelope and scrawled FAO Chris Foy on the side with my own blood, (actually it was just red biro- I’m not a monster) I’m hearing word that Tottenham are ready to set off a dirty great rocket under their wage ceiling to sign facially challenged frontman, Carlos Tevez. For twenty million of your English pounds, no less. Well, certainly no less, but quite probably a whole lot more.
Here, just off the top of my head, are some reasons why this sounds rather fanciful: 1) Man City won’t sell him to us. I’m pretty sure loaning out Adebayor wasn’t one of the smartest moves in their transfer history and it’s highly unlikely they’re going throw us any more world class centre-forward-shaped bones 2) His wages are, at a modest estimate, f*cking ridiculous. Honestly, it’s just embarrassing. 3) The Spurs camp- from the outside looking in, at least- seems like a fun place to be at the moment. The mood is one of harmony and discord. Tevez, on the other hand- and again this is just conjecture- appears to be a massive pr*ck. And it’s his overriding pr*ckishness that might just be the problem. d) Wages. Seriously, it’s obscene how much he’s being paid to not kick a football around.
Kaka on the other hand. Now there’s a fiscally sound bit of business if ever I saw it. You heard.
Right, back to the real world. Let’s hear your teams for the Shamrock. What do you mean, are we still in that thing? Yes. Yes, we are, is the answer. I’m thinking Kranjčar and, ooh, let’s say Gomes. Yeah!