The Talented Mr. Alan: Sunderland Away

So Alan Hutton’s been going all gooey over Darren Bent, then. Apparently he’d quite like to see the oft fumbly forward give us the run around on Saturday afternoon; presumably while he sits in the stands waving his quilted handkerchief at him like an extra from Lark Rise to Candleford. ‘I can’t believe they sold him,’ he said, while wiping the drool from his lower lip. What a twot. Funny how he never mentioned this while he was still at Spurs. Not on many occasions did I see wee Alan sporting a ‘Team Bent’ shirt when the going got tough for our erstwhile hitman. Not a peep, in fact. Now, suddenly, those two have snuggled up and we’re supposed to be ruing the day we lost either of them.

Sour grapes? Sour like a urinal cake.

But let’s not get distracted. We’ve got work to do. Sunderland, so we’re told, are on the up. After a slide which looked ready to anchor them into some serious trouble, they’ve found a bit of form. Goals have been their problem- not particularly that they don’t score enough; just no-one apart from Sharon Bent seems familiar with the concept. Take him out the team and they look decidedly impotent (oo-er). Even Kenny Jones has confirmed what many of us praying he didn’t turn up at WHL in the summer were of the opinion; he’s not all that good. Not twenty million pounds good, at any rate.

From our side of things, news is a mixed bag. Defoe is allegedly raring to go after a spell on our congested injury list; a veritable who’s who of ailments and mishaps. Whether he’ll skip the bench and head straight for the turf come three-o-clock is uncertain- BBC Sport seemed convinced he will- but even as an impact sub he should have plenty to say about the final result. Less promising is the nonattendance of Dawson and Palacios; the former being a sure-fire absentee. That breeze you can feel is a gaping hole in the heart of our ranks. It’s fairly sizeable and not easily filled. The hope is, of course, that Sunderland don’t notice and instead are overwhelmed by our dazzling passing football and nifty haircuts.

Predictions?

I predict Darren Bent won’t be putting the score on Twitter come Saturday evening.

3-0

Sha-zam.

Dont forget there’s still time to win a copy of the ‘Spurs’ Cult Heroes’ book penned by Michael Lacquiere. Click for details.